Financial Betting Articles

As Freddie and Fannie teeter on rumoured collapse with their $5 trillion of mortgages we might agree that the window for non-gallows humour is shrinking fast. Therefore, as a tribute to the US Treasury Department's weekend workathon we offer this to lighten the mood...

Q: How many Economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, because - look! It's getting brighter! It's getting brighter, I tell you...!!!

How about wry humour...?

My friend told me his body was like the British Economy. I asked "How come?" He replied, "My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are sending me into a deep depression!"

Conspiracy theory humour...?

A Mathematician, an Accountant and an Economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the Mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The Mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says, "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the Accountant and asks the same question. "What does two plus two equal?" The accountant says, "On average, four - give or take ten percent."

Then the interviewer calls in the Economist and poses the same question. "What does two plus two equal?" The Economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shades, pulls his chair right up to the interviewer's and says in hushed tones, "What do you want it to equal?"

Have we done "A pox on all your houses" yet...?

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon. The wind is battering it about and very soon he is lost. So he takes the hot air balloon down towards the ground and asks a pedestrian below, "Could you tell me where I am?"
"You are in a balloon," comes the rather literal reply.
"Ah," says the balloonist, "your prognosis is perfectly correct and absolutely useless. I take it you are an Economist"
"That's right" replies the pedestrian. "And you must be a businessman."
"That's right! How did you know?"
"Obvious, really. You're the one with the perfect view and you still don't have a clue where you are!"

Then angry must be next...?

Definition of "waste": a busload of Economists plunging over a cliff with three of the seats unoccupied.

Room for sardonic...?

A tourist walks into a deli on an island of cannibals. A sign reads:

Artists' Brains $9/lb
Philosophers' Brains $12/lb
Scientists' Brains $15/lb
Economists' Brains $19/lb

The tourist reads the sign in amazement. "Wow, those Economists' brains must be really good!"
The deli owner is confused. "Are you kidding?! Do you have any idea how many Economists you have to kill to get a pound of brains...?"

Can we squeeze in rueful?

Three leading Economists take a small plane to the Canadian wilds to go moose hunting for the weekend. As he's leaving the pilot tells them, "Remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back between you."

But - of course - they kill one each and come Sunday they talk the pilot into letting them bring all three moose onboard. However, just after takeoff, the plane stalls and crashes under the weight of the cargo.

In the wreckage, one of the Economists wakes up, looks around and says in a panic, "Where the hell are we??" Then he gets his bearings and relaxes. "Oh, it's OK guys - we're just a hundred yards from where we crashed last time."

A quick helping for all those Economists/pundits who called the bottom of the markets weeks ago...?

An Economist walks into a pizzeria and - not surprisingly - orders a pizza. When the pizza is done the owner asks him, "Do you want that cut into six pieces or eight pieces?"
The Economist thinks about it then says, "Actually, I'm feeling pretty hungry. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."

Oh it's easy to mock, but before you take it too far remember this: There are three types of Economists. Those that can count, and those that can't.

Which type are you? Show us at ChoiceOdds.com

By closing below 5385 last week the FTSE is now in official bear territory.

It has lost 13.1% of its value since the beginning of June alone.

Last Friday the FTSE traded in a 200.2 point range, the largest daily range since 25th March

The bamboo-eating Giant Panda is part of the bear family. But the smaller Red Panda is not a bear, it's actually related to the raccoon.

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