Financial Betting Articles

This week, your Choice Cuts Chief Correspondent has decided to take the ex-bull market by the horns and get the sauce from the source. First, my call to Merv King...

The scene: Merv King is in his bath re-enacting the maiden voyage of the Titanic. Only, the word "Titanic" is crossed out and replaced by the words "British Economy". Merv's phone trills with the ringtone Goodbye To Love by The Carpenters.

MK: "...No-one cares if I should live or die - my love..." Ahem. Hello, Merv the Swerv here?
CCCC: Merv, 4C here. I need to know how to plot a course through this credit crunch.
MK: Try whistling, it works for me.
CCCC: Whistle? You can't be serious!
MK: OK, hum.
CCCC: Are you mad?! I'm talking about the unstoppable slide by UK Plc into a long and deep recession...!
MK: Alright - you didn't hear this from me...
CCCC: Yes?
MK: ...Have you got a ukulele?
CCCC: Oh for goodness sake!

Your intrepid reporter slammed down the phone and got put straight through to the Treasury where Alistair Darling was also in the bath. His phone trilled to the ringtone Money Money Money by Abba.

AD: "...In a rich man's world..." Poor non-doms - sniff!. Ahem, yes, Al The Owl here?
CCCC: Al, 4C here. I need to know how the British Economy is going to fare through this credit crisis.
AD: To be perfectly honest, 4C, it's not looking good.
CCCC: Really?!
AD: No, in fact - oh HORROR!
There was a sudden splash.
MK: [falsetto] Oh, Leonardo, don't leave me!
CCCC: Hang on... Is that Merv The Swerv I can hear...?
AD: Erm, yes. We're, erm, saving water.
MK: I love you Kate, kissy-kissy-kissy...

My heart sank along with their boat and their sanity and I saw no choice but to phone the Sage of Omaha himself. He too was in the bath but this time with 30,000 shareholders of Berkshire Hathaway. However, in his defense, he was wearing his swimming trunks. His phone rang to the ringtone "Can't Touch Me" by M.C. Hammer.

WB: "Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics..." Ahem. Warren the, erm, Borren, Sorren, Dorren, erm - Warren here?
CCCC: Hi, 4C here. Buff, I gotta know - how's it all gonna pan out?
WB: I won't lie to you kid, it's gonna be tough. Oil just broke through the $120 mark and you better believe half the oil traders in the world will want to push it up to the Opec Chief's $200 target. Then you've got UBS selling it's debt to Blackstone. A bank selling it's debt?? What in the world are we coming to when the banks are being bailed out by industry - it was always meant to be the other way round. Then you've got Bill taking his bid for Yahoo off the table over a few measly billion. I haven't seen him fold like that since the final rubber of the Forbes Invitational Bridge Tournament 1993. You think he did that because he thinks this market's going to the moon?
CCCC: So, you don't hold out much hope for the global economy?
WB: Hold out much hope?? I'd rather go looking for the soap. Again. I'm telling you, 4C, those 5 minute bets ChoiceCuts offer are starting to look like the long term outlook. Now, I gotta question for you, 4C?
CCCC: Anything, Buff.
WB: How d'you blow bubbles with these god darn Wrigley's?
CCCC: No, no - you're thinking of bubble gum, Buff. Wrigley's is a chewing gum.
WB: Chewing gum?? Oh crap, what have I bought!?! Listen, this call never happened. OK, everybody, listen up! I'm gonna add some hot water - so, I want everybody to pull their left hand backward and push their right hand forward at the same time, let's get some circulation in here...

The Dow to rise? The FTSE to fall? Oil to go fall through the floor? Make the call at ChoiceOdds.com

Need any more proof we're living in volatile times? The FTSE has traded within a 127 point average daily range so far this year, compared to just 63 points over the same period last year.

The same applies State-side, where the Dow has seen a 332 point daily average in 2008, up from a range of 178 in Jan to May 2007.

That FTSE trend was absent last week, where a lower average daily range of 81 points saw a daily change of (from Mon to Fri): -1, -1, -2.1, FLAT and then a leap of 128.2 on Friday when the sun came out.

"Stretched" is the longest monosyllabic word in English, featuring 9 letters.

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