Financial Betting Articles

Part I. A Joke.

A woman is out shopping. She's having the greatest shopping day of her life. Everything is on sale, everything fits her, every shop is empty. The only catch is that her husband lies dying in the nearby hospital. Torn, she continues shopping until her phone rings.

It's the surgeon. "Your husband could be dead any moment, come quickly" the female surgeon urges. The wife promises to, but once off the phone can't resist another shop. And another. And another. Because when shopping's this good you have to keep doing it (ask any woman).

No one knows anything.

Any how, five shops, a (free) coffee and two (for one) pastries later she arrives at the hospital to be greeted by a very unpleased female surgeon. "You went shopping didn't you whilst your husband lay dying. The woman looks suitably shamed. "Well, you've got your just desserts. Your husband suffered a stroke, lost blood to the brain and is now a vegetable that you will have to nurse for the rest of your life."

The wife collapses sobbing amongst her shopping bags.

Then the female surgeon bursts out laughing. Nah, I'm only joshing. He died. ...Whadya get?"

Black humour. It comes - free - with a recession.

Part II. A Brief History Lesson.

A lot of people are saying "Don't buy property till Spring of next year." "2009 could be tough". "We're looking at a year long recession." Good for them. We need optimists. I myself am reluctant to call this recession. I don't feel any less qualified than the other commentators, I just think none of us should rush to judgement.

However, a timely reminder.

When the Dot Com bubble burst the market came off for over three years.

On a lighter note, the recession of '91 lasted less than a year, '81 was just under two years. Even the oil shocked recession of '73-'75 only lasted, well, two years.

The Great Depression lasted ten.

Like I said, I ain't calling it yet. But the champagne isn't on ice just yet.

Part III. I'm On Holiday.

So that'll do.

But come the Bad Times and people can't demote themselves to the position of General Manager fast enough. People who felt their seven figure salaries were not enough reward for their Leadership suddenly claim helplessness. As if leadership didn't mean planning ahead, expecting the unexpected, seeing what others do not see. Me? I just manage the shop...

Too many leaders are desperate to melt into the crowds, like a defeated army disguising itself as citizens, cheering the conquering army, their chests burning with bitterness and hate. Good. Let them stew for their part in all this.

No one knows anything.

That's what the cleverest man said to me. In a pizzeria in Chelsea at the beginning of 2008. When he called the bullish mood in the City a "Suckers rally". Told me how he had options all the way down. I dread to think how much that fund manager made. But I remember him telling me that Socrates said it first. "No one knows anything. I don't know anything."

And out of this carnage, it is the man who told me that he knew the least that seemed to know the most.

The FTSE was down by 179.60 points in the past week

Wall Street was also down by 473.35 points last week.

The DAX had fallen by 596.09 in the last week.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want

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